My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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