Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
