he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
