dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
