saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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