So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
