I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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