Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
