I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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