I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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