I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
