I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
