I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
