So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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