I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
