shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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