I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
