What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
