The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It was confusing and full of hummus
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
