hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
