I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
