What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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