pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
