My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
