Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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