I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
God I need to hump something, right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
