I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We got so high we made milksteak
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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