Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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