My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The Olympian is in my bed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
