I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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