note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My ass is underappreciated
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
