i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
