I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
