I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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