Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am midnight drunk by noon
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
