Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
