I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
