WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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