I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
