You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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