Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
