My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
