i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Swine flu is the new snow day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
