I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
