I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
this hospital has no fireball
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
