u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
