I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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