No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
