I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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