Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i came on her dog
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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