i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
