Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
